Emptiness

Okay, I cannot FUCKING BELIEVE the shit Twitter has put me through the last two days. I feel like a piece of me has been compromised , torn out and mutilated for the amusement of others.

What did I do before Twitter? Facebook? MySpace? Strictly for amateurs. I deleted my MySpace shortly after getting into the Twitter swing of things and haven't looked back since. Yesterday wasn't so bad cuz I was off work and watching a Hulu marathon of Desperate Housewives. But TODAY?! At work?! I'm fucking losing my mind. Facebook is okay, but it's more like my stepchild now...I get around to Facebook when I get around to it...Twitter is my true love, and there's an emptiness I have right now and it won't be fixed til I have it back!!

Can't people die from withdrawal symptoms?

The Evolution of MeMe

Haha whack right?

In the last year and a half or so I've been through A LOT. Nothin dramatic, just a lot of life changing occurrences. I graduated from Morgan, which was bittersweet. I love my school more than half of you will ever know. It is there I grew up and became a woman. But I will forever credit MSU for molding me into the person I am today.

The closer I got to graduation, the more sense some things made. I think the biggest one of all was learning how to let go of any and everything that did nothing but held me down or held me back. One was the "injustices" or wrongs I felt had been committed against me. As the time approached for me to walk across that stage, more and more I just kept thinking, "What's the point?" What's the point in holding on to hard feelings and negativity towards people who I may never see again? Or people that I could potentially be missing out on as great motivational life forces in my life? And it felt so good to let go. I could actually feel the weight being lifted off my shoulders, it was amazing.

But at the same time I was embracing some people, I realized it was time for me to let others go. And what got me the most was that it didn't really hurt much at all. What did it say about me and my feelings for those people? It didn't take me long to realize that the sun had set on those friendships well before I learned that I had to let go. In order for me to grow and evolve I had to let go of those that were not moving in the same direction as I. My priorities had changed. I was no longer a college student, but a college graduate. I had rent and bills and STUDENT LOANS that were now my life, not parties and who's doing what. And it was so damn IRRITATING to watch these people concern themselves with the affairs of others, especially when all of theirs were not in order. Some didn't understand and misjudged me for it, saying I thought I was better than others because I now had a degree and blah Blah BLAH. Are you serious?! For 7 months after graduating I was still waiting tables! And even now I'm still not exactly utilizing my degree, although it does help ;-) But no really this is what you think of me? Fine. I'll keep working on getting myself out of debt and making something of myself while you....what is it that you're doing again?

Haha that was rude. But no seriously, why attach myself to people of that nature? More negativity that serves no purpose but to eat at me alive. Especially when I'm having such a hard time trying to figure out exactly what it is that I want to do and be. Look at me talking all my shit without an answer to the questions that only I have the answers to. But I'm okay with that. I want to teach, I want to write, I want to do anything that'll help give me the definition that I'm looking for. That's what my 20s are for right? RIGHT?!

Anyway, just another random rant, something to get off my chest to hopefully propel me further into the right direction (whatever that may be) and confirm that I'm going about my life in the right way (whichever way that may be).

I'm Just Writing To Say...

....that I don't have shit to say. LMAO! I know I haven't written in a while and that yall miss me n shit....just aint had no real tom foolery to report on lately! But I guess that's a good thing, right?

Me vs. McNair

Now I know the title already made some of y'all mad. Let me start off by saying it is/was an unfortunate situation for Mr. McNair and his wife and children. I do not think he deserved to die at the hands of his mistress. It is never a good situation when one man's fate is decided at the hands of another. Not much for following the career of anyone outside of the Washington Redskins, I don't know about his skill on the field or what he did for the community, but I'm sure he was loved and respected by many, in and outside of his professional life.

NOW, with that said, it is also unfortunate that the last thing this man will be remembered for is cheating on his wife and being killed by his mistress. His children will grow up without their father, and when people ask what happened, they'll have to again face the agony of everything they're going through right now.

But what really grinds my gears is how people (translate: MEN) are blaming WOMEN for being crazy. "Now I definitely aint gettin married cuz yall women are crazy." Ummmmmmmmmm....WTF?! NO, if you men didn't always fuck everything that walks and didn't treat your jumpoffs like wifey, then don't you think some people wouldn't have the problems that they do now?

I understand many young men aren't ready for serious relationships, which is why many steer clear of them. And that's the reason why I also tend to avoid relationships at this stage in my life. I'm ready to be a good woman to a deserving man, but I'm going to let him find me. Until then, I'm staying away from men with hang-ups or who don't seem to have themselves together.

But anyway, I'm disgusted by the amount of men so ready to point the finger at women and our "instabilities". I KNOW not all of us are 100% there. I'm well aware of that fact. But how bout you all take some ownership? Have some accountability. YOU laid down with that girl. YOU, somehow, someway, made her feel like she was all that mattered in the world to you, and now YOU want to blame her for her erratic behavior?

I will right here, right now take accountability for MYSELF. I KNOW I am not always the nicest person you may know. I know my moods can flip flop one minute to the next. But I'm claiming that because I know who I am. So I KNOW, for a fact, that I will never let a man bring me to the point where I am contemplating on killing him, myself, or doing anything else that will cost me my freedom. Because I also have a firm grasp on reality, and know that men come like busses, every 15 minutes. Some may take longer to come around than others, but you know that eventually, it will be there. But some of you fail to understand that the majority of us women have that grasp on reality, and ain't gonna be trippin off you and your overinflated ego. NOT THE CASE! Get your head out of your own fucking ass and realize that the reality of the situation is there will ALWAYS be someone better than you. Ladies you need to wake up and smell the coffee too. Someone who will treat you better, who will open your door, who will pay the whole bill, and someone who won't need you to continuously stroke their ego because they'll be man enough to know exactly how much of a man they are.

I know I was all over the place with this one but I just had to let some things out. Men stop blaming women and their crazy behavior when you aint shit. And women please realize when a man aint shit and leave his ass alone, or else he will bring you down with him.

Vent

Ugh. So this morning I'm getting ready for work and I go to heat up my iron. Now normally, the indicator continually blinks on standby, but not today.

"Oh shit."

So I'm tryin all the different plugs on the powerstrip, EVEN THOUGH everything else is working fine. I go to the bathroom, try the plug in there. Nothing.

"FUCK!"

I call my best friend to see if she can help a sista out and let me come use her iron but she's already out the door. So I weigh my options...3 pairs of slacks, all wrinkled beyond recognition...or a pink flower dress I got from Old Navy that no matter what, never looks wrinkled.

Dress it is.

But of course with this being MY life, shit couldn't just end there.

As I am moving in two days, my apartment is in shambles, bags boxes and clothes everywhere. I had actually packed the Old Navy dress away for Goodwill. Because I haven't worn it in a good 3-4 years so I was sure it no longer fit but was still in great condition. Why not give it to someone less fortunate?

So of course the dress was at the BOTTOM of the bag. I find it, and of course, the dress that NEVER wrinkles has a few good ones, but no biggie, they can be worked with. So I go to pull the dress over my head, struggle to find the arm holes cuz the dress is a little tight on my size 7 frame. I'm tugging at the dress and for the life of me, can NOT get it past my boobs.

DOUBLE U TEE EFF?!

Then I realize one of the "arm holes" is actually the side zipper. Whew. So I get myself together, put my arm in the right hole but can't zip it up all the way.

"SONOFABITCH!!!"

Let me paint you all a picture real quick. It's already after 8:05 (so that makes me late), I have no central a/c, and it's already 70 degrees outside. Now that may seem like nothing to you, but my heart started pumping fast and furious when I realized my iron had died. So I'm HEATED, in every sense of the word.

But I know that real G's have to make sacrifices. So I pull on my brown Ralph Lauren cardigan (to cover up the half-mast zipper), pull my sleeves up, slip on my brown flats and grab my brown-and-pink multi-colored Vera Bradley purse, and head out the door.

This damn dress is so tight I can hardly breathe. Definitely shows my tummy I try so hard to suck in everyday. I can't breathe too hard for fear it'll rip in half, a la The Hulk. It keeps riding up in the back so it makes me look like I got the stank booty walk when that's hardly the case. When I sit down it rides halfway up my thighs so it gives all the Baltimore pervs on the bus a nice little peep show. But dammit I got the whole day to get through, so fuck it.

Fuck you iron, for burning me on Saturday and dying on Monday. The same thing happens to bees. So what does that say about you? BEETCH!!

Fuck you dress, for not gaining material where my body gained pounds.

Fuck you Baltimore pervs. Although you'd probably like that. Ew.

Fuck all three of yall, yall aint shit.

And I still made it to work on time.

If The Whole World Has To Answer Right Now, Just To Tell You Once Again....

EPIC. The ULTIMATE performer. The INCOMPARABLE KING OF POP.

On June 25, 2009 at 2:26 pm the world lost its greatest performer of all time. Maybe I'm biased but he was indeed the greatest to ever grace the stage.

How can one adequately put into words the man and his music? I don't know but I can only write what he meant to me. With 13 Grammy Awards, over 750 Million albums sold world wide and TWO inductions into the Rock and Roll Hall Of Fame, there is no wonder why he is the source behind so many artists' inspiration. His artistic genius was parallel to none.

If it weren't for Michael, whose moves would they be trying to emulate? If it weren't for Michael would artists even be dancing in their videos? Whose iconic status would they be spending all their lives to achieve?

But in the wake of this man's death why are others so intent on continuing to demonize his name and his character? We all know the allegations that have surrounded him for the past 16 years. But I wasn't there. Were you? No. So I don't know what did or did not happen. And honestly? It's not my business. Nor is it yours. And even if he DID do all of what has been accused of him, who are we to judge? To my understandind all sin is equal in the Kingdom of God. That doesn't automatically make him a monster. As far as I'm concerned he was never given the chance as a man, as a person. As a true star he was never expected to make mistakes, to be perfect. But I'm sorry I personally cannot honestly say I would be able to effectively handle a habitually abusive father and the pressure of pure stardom beginning at the age of 11. How was he supposed to thrive without the traditional childhood of people coming up at that point in time?

And PLEASE, someone explain to me what is so damn funny about a man dying? He is DEAD, show some respect! The insensitivity displayed by some people this week is astounding. Perez Hilton deserved to get hit because he's gay? Because everyday he talks about people on his blog? I KNOW that MOST of you people go home and talk about someone you know, whether it be personally or a celebrity. So what's so different from what he's doing than what you're doing?

Alright, now with that said, EXPLAIN to me why it's okay to defame this man's name and character in the wake of his death? Because he ALLEGEDLY molested little boys? I reiterate, YOU WEREN'T THERE! I'm not saying it's not a possibility but the man is dead. No longer able to defend himself. And you're SICK to think it's okay.

I say all that to say I am deeply saddened by today's events. For those who really know me, know that I am a true fan of the King of Pop. We have truly lost one of music's greatest and most influential stars and music will NEVER be the same. If you can't understand just what this means to our culture then please, I URGE you, to remove yourself from my blog. You are not welcome here. Not to compare the two as people, but as iconic images of their respective generations, the death of our star is almost parallel to what it meant to our parents upon hearing about the death of Dr. King. It's goes deep for us, touches our souls, and brings us together as people.

“I am absolutely devastated at this tragic and unexpected news. For Michael to be taken away from us so suddenly at such a young age, I just don’t have the words. Divinity brought our souls together on The Wiz and allowed us to do what we were able to throughout the 80’s. To this day, the music we created together on “Off The Wall,” “Thriller” and “Bad” is played in every corner of the world and the reason for that is because he had it all…talent, grace, professionalism and dedication. He was the consummate entertainer and his contributions and legacy will be felt upon the world forever. I’ve lost my little brother today, and part of my soul has gone with him.” ~ Quincy Jones

Watch this boy move!

Jackson

CNS (Cont'd)

Okay so some of my friends have asked for a list of Certified Nigga Shit. Feel free to add your own. Be it behavior, speech, clothing, whatever the case may be.

1. One day at Wal-Mart my friend and I snuck her Yorkie puppy in. One of the employees saw him and asked "Do him bite?" Bitch WHAT?!

2. Polices. "Police" is already plural. Sit ya ignorant ass down.

3. Tiny & Toya. Nuff said.

4. For the last time.....conversate is NOT a word! Read a book.

5. Colored contacts. It's 2009. Think about it.

6. Post-Dated Checks. I work for a bank and that shit is ULTRA ignorant. You don't have the money. Maybe you shouldn't have spent your last $5 on that dress at Gallo.

7. Blaming your inability to find a job on "The Man". Maybe you shouldn't have dropped out of the 7th grade. Maybe you shouldn't have smoked that blunt the night before your pee test. Stop expecting for people to "accept you for who you are" when you got 3 different colors in your head and all your tattoos showing at a BANK interview.

8. Stop making up names for your children. If it ain't in the "Big Book of Baby Names" then it doesn't belong on paper. Everything can't be Swahili.

9. Yung Berg, Hurricane Chris, Pretty Ricky....all them clowns.

10. This shit.